Chapter XVIII
Friday, December 15, 2006
Finally the time came – time for the bride’s family to formally present her to the groom and his family. The youngest brother of the bride, Isaac, came for her and escorted us across the grass to where her mother and father, Rick, and other members of the family were standing. Patience was now crying and holding hands with Isaac on one side and me on the other. We drew close to the family and stood there, Patience near her mother and father, while speeches were made by the men of the family including Rick. The speeches, as usual, were long. The Groom and the men of his family walked across the lawn to us, and traditional words were said between the families. After this round of speeches, gifts were presented including several goats. After the gifts, more speeches (sigh), but then it was time to cut the cake. As this was the Give-Away, not the actual wedding, the brother of the bride, in this case Isaac, stood next to her and cut the cake with her. She told me later it is a tradition that lets the bride honor her family for nurturing her through her childhood and up to the time of her wedding. After Patience and Isaac made the first cut in the cake, the rest of the cake was cut into small pieces and Patience and I took the plate over to the groom’s section and (kneeling) presented pieces of cake to the groom and his family. After that, all the rest of the bridesmaids took cake to the rest of the guests, except Patience and I took it to her family and the Bishops who were in attendance. We then resumed our original seats and there was more entertainment. Patience was looking pretty drained by this time. It was quite an emotional day for her. As I sat there, alternately watching the dancers, looking up at the majestic scenery, watching the sun go down behind the mountains, I just couldn’t believe I was here doing this. I felt like I was in an adventure story, a story of someone else’s adventure, it just couldn’t be me in this totally foreign place participating in this completely alien cultural event. It was thrilling, like living out a dream. I looked over at Rick and Fr. David in their ceremonial robes, listened to the hissing sounds the dancers were making as they shook their spears and pointed them at us. I still don’t know what that dance signified, and why it was done at a wedding event. It seemed to me like a war dance with the drums and shakers and fierce looks and spears, grass and rattles tied around the ankles of the dancers. But then, it was over and time for us to process back to the house. We walked slowly through the wet grass (it had rained several times during the afternoon), up the stairs and into the house past all the food set out for the guests, and back into the little room. The door shut behind us. Now it was dark outside, and there was no power in the house. We changed out of the formal dresses in the dark with a lot of giggling and talking. I had a small flashlight with me, and we used it to open gifts and also make sure everyone had their own shoes etc. as all had been left in a big pile in the room when we changed for the ceremony. I was released from the bridal room again to go find my husband and have something to eat. The whole house was full of people and was lit by candles. The air was warm, shadows flickered on the walls and conversation was in a language I didn’t understand. By now, I was worn out and ready to go to sleep so I just sat in a chair against the wall and dozed until it was time to go home to Kabale to sleep quickly and get ready for the wedding the next day.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Today was the wedding of Patience and Emmanuel –long awaited. They met when they were children and their fathers, both Priests, worked at the same church in the town of Kabale. Since housing is provided on the church property for the clergy, the children of the two Priests played together. Somewhere along the line, Patience and Emmanuel fell in love. This love survived their families being transferred every few years to different parishes, some very far from each other. They waited until both of them had finished their schooling, well into their twenties. Patience received a diploma in Business Studies geared toward bank employment, and then she went to work for several years in order to help put her younger brothers and sisters through school. Emmanuel became a high-school teacher and was working in Kampala, a 7 hour drive from Kabale at the time of the wedding. He had already rented a small apartment in Kabale for them to move to when they were finally married. Patience had taken Rick and I there to see it several days before the wedding.
This morning dawned beautiful, birds singing, sky blue with white billowy clouds. And now it was back to the beauty salon to have yesterday’s hairdo taken down and today’s created. The tradition is for the entire bridal party from the bride to the flower girls to be prepared with hairdo, makeup and clothing right there at the salon. The place was crowded with women and girls getting ready for the wedding. The woman who owns the salon doubles as a hair dresser and tailor. She has a tiny bedroom in the back of the shop where she sleeps and also sews. She rents wedding dresses and outfits for bridesmaids and alters them to fit each person. The wedding was scheduled to begin at 11:00. Around 11:30 several cars arrived at the salon to pick up the bridal party. We piled into the vehicles, me with an 8 year old flower girl on my lap, and headed for the church. The wedding began promptly at 11:45 with a procession down the isle. The rest is a bit fuzzy in my head. I remember standing next to Patience, holding a microphone to her lips for her to recite her vows. I remember the choir sang beautiful music, and that one of the choir members had to sit down to nurse a baby in the middle of a song. At one point, I and the Best Man stood next to the bride and groom with offering baskets and the guests all came forward singing songs and placing money in the baskets for the Bride and Groom. The entire service was conducted in Rukiga, so I understood only intuitively what was being said. The only words I recognized were “Mukama (God),” and Patience and Emmanuel’s names. After the vows were said, rings exchanged, prayers said and messages given, the Bride and Groom stepped up to a table accompanied by their God-Parents to sign the wedding documents. This was quite a ceremony, concluding with Patience folding the wedding certificate and placing it in Emmanuel’s shirt pocket to much applause. And now, time for the recessional, in slow time. Then many pictures and piling back into the vehicles for the 30 minutes trip to the reception which would be held at the home of the Groom’s parents, Guster and Joyce. At this point, the Bride has become a part of the Groom’s family and the parents of the Bride do not attend the reception. So Rick and I were off to the reception without David and Constance. We were in separate cars, I still had the flower girl on my lap. It was a long ride, especially up the incredible 45 degree driveway to the house there at Kihara. We were ushered into the house and the Bridal party was directed to a small side room where we all sat shoulder to shoulder and were brought food. All the other guests would be eating outside from buffet tables. The whole yard was decorated with the traditional pavilions and folding chairs for all the guests, except the Bride & Groom, Best Man and Maid of Honor (me) had sofas to sit on and a long coffee table in front of us for drinks to sit on. So, after eating lunch, we processed slowly through an aisle of smiling guests, through wet grass, over a small rivulet running through the lawn, and to an arch of flowers with a ribbon stretched across the pathway. Here, Emmanuel and Patience cut the ribbon, signifying their entry into their new life. Cheers erupted, and we continued the procession on to where the sofas were, and took our seats. As we sat down, I looked around and realized there were several hundred people seated in chairs, standing, & sitting on the lawn. The sun was high overhead, slightly beginning it’s decent to afternoon. It was about 13:30 by now. Time for the speeches to begin. I looked over at Rick, sitting with Medard and Henry, one of Fr. David’s brothers, and we exchanged a smile. Here we were again, the only white faces, (we were later thanked for ‘adding some color to the celebration’) the only ones who didn’t understand the language being spoken, but feeling incredibly included and loved and so very blessed to be sharing this adventure together as husband and wife.
Guests continued to arrive and place gifts in the big pile next to the table that held the six wedding cakes. The Emcee took the microphone and began the afternoon with a relatively short speech. The reception had officially begun.
Finally the time came – time for the bride’s family to formally present her to the groom and his family. The youngest brother of the bride, Isaac, came for her and escorted us across the grass to where her mother and father, Rick, and other members of the family were standing. Patience was now crying and holding hands with Isaac on one side and me on the other. We drew close to the family and stood there, Patience near her mother and father, while speeches were made by the men of the family including Rick. The speeches, as usual, were long. The Groom and the men of his family walked across the lawn to us, and traditional words were said between the families. After this round of speeches, gifts were presented including several goats. After the gifts, more speeches (sigh), but then it was time to cut the cake. As this was the Give-Away, not the actual wedding, the brother of the bride, in this case Isaac, stood next to her and cut the cake with her. She told me later it is a tradition that lets the bride honor her family for nurturing her through her childhood and up to the time of her wedding. After Patience and Isaac made the first cut in the cake, the rest of the cake was cut into small pieces and Patience and I took the plate over to the groom’s section and (kneeling) presented pieces of cake to the groom and his family. After that, all the rest of the bridesmaids took cake to the rest of the guests, except Patience and I took it to her family and the Bishops who were in attendance. We then resumed our original seats and there was more entertainment. Patience was looking pretty drained by this time. It was quite an emotional day for her. As I sat there, alternately watching the dancers, looking up at the majestic scenery, watching the sun go down behind the mountains, I just couldn’t believe I was here doing this. I felt like I was in an adventure story, a story of someone else’s adventure, it just couldn’t be me in this totally foreign place participating in this completely alien cultural event. It was thrilling, like living out a dream. I looked over at Rick and Fr. David in their ceremonial robes, listened to the hissing sounds the dancers were making as they shook their spears and pointed them at us. I still don’t know what that dance signified, and why it was done at a wedding event. It seemed to me like a war dance with the drums and shakers and fierce looks and spears, grass and rattles tied around the ankles of the dancers. But then, it was over and time for us to process back to the house. We walked slowly through the wet grass (it had rained several times during the afternoon), up the stairs and into the house past all the food set out for the guests, and back into the little room. The door shut behind us. Now it was dark outside, and there was no power in the house. We changed out of the formal dresses in the dark with a lot of giggling and talking. I had a small flashlight with me, and we used it to open gifts and also make sure everyone had their own shoes etc. as all had been left in a big pile in the room when we changed for the ceremony. I was released from the bridal room again to go find my husband and have something to eat. The whole house was full of people and was lit by candles. The air was warm, shadows flickered on the walls and conversation was in a language I didn’t understand. By now, I was worn out and ready to go to sleep so I just sat in a chair against the wall and dozed until it was time to go home to Kabale to sleep quickly and get ready for the wedding the next day.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Today was the wedding of Patience and Emmanuel –long awaited. They met when they were children and their fathers, both Priests, worked at the same church in the town of Kabale. Since housing is provided on the church property for the clergy, the children of the two Priests played together. Somewhere along the line, Patience and Emmanuel fell in love. This love survived their families being transferred every few years to different parishes, some very far from each other. They waited until both of them had finished their schooling, well into their twenties. Patience received a diploma in Business Studies geared toward bank employment, and then she went to work for several years in order to help put her younger brothers and sisters through school. Emmanuel became a high-school teacher and was working in Kampala, a 7 hour drive from Kabale at the time of the wedding. He had already rented a small apartment in Kabale for them to move to when they were finally married. Patience had taken Rick and I there to see it several days before the wedding.
This morning dawned beautiful, birds singing, sky blue with white billowy clouds. And now it was back to the beauty salon to have yesterday’s hairdo taken down and today’s created. The tradition is for the entire bridal party from the bride to the flower girls to be prepared with hairdo, makeup and clothing right there at the salon. The place was crowded with women and girls getting ready for the wedding. The woman who owns the salon doubles as a hair dresser and tailor. She has a tiny bedroom in the back of the shop where she sleeps and also sews. She rents wedding dresses and outfits for bridesmaids and alters them to fit each person. The wedding was scheduled to begin at 11:00. Around 11:30 several cars arrived at the salon to pick up the bridal party. We piled into the vehicles, me with an 8 year old flower girl on my lap, and headed for the church. The wedding began promptly at 11:45 with a procession down the isle. The rest is a bit fuzzy in my head. I remember standing next to Patience, holding a microphone to her lips for her to recite her vows. I remember the choir sang beautiful music, and that one of the choir members had to sit down to nurse a baby in the middle of a song. At one point, I and the Best Man stood next to the bride and groom with offering baskets and the guests all came forward singing songs and placing money in the baskets for the Bride and Groom. The entire service was conducted in Rukiga, so I understood only intuitively what was being said. The only words I recognized were “Mukama (God),” and Patience and Emmanuel’s names. After the vows were said, rings exchanged, prayers said and messages given, the Bride and Groom stepped up to a table accompanied by their God-Parents to sign the wedding documents. This was quite a ceremony, concluding with Patience folding the wedding certificate and placing it in Emmanuel’s shirt pocket to much applause. And now, time for the recessional, in slow time. Then many pictures and piling back into the vehicles for the 30 minutes trip to the reception which would be held at the home of the Groom’s parents, Guster and Joyce. At this point, the Bride has become a part of the Groom’s family and the parents of the Bride do not attend the reception. So Rick and I were off to the reception without David and Constance. We were in separate cars, I still had the flower girl on my lap. It was a long ride, especially up the incredible 45 degree driveway to the house there at Kihara. We were ushered into the house and the Bridal party was directed to a small side room where we all sat shoulder to shoulder and were brought food. All the other guests would be eating outside from buffet tables. The whole yard was decorated with the traditional pavilions and folding chairs for all the guests, except the Bride & Groom, Best Man and Maid of Honor (me) had sofas to sit on and a long coffee table in front of us for drinks to sit on. So, after eating lunch, we processed slowly through an aisle of smiling guests, through wet grass, over a small rivulet running through the lawn, and to an arch of flowers with a ribbon stretched across the pathway. Here, Emmanuel and Patience cut the ribbon, signifying their entry into their new life. Cheers erupted, and we continued the procession on to where the sofas were, and took our seats. As we sat down, I looked around and realized there were several hundred people seated in chairs, standing, & sitting on the lawn. The sun was high overhead, slightly beginning it’s decent to afternoon. It was about 13:30 by now. Time for the speeches to begin. I looked over at Rick, sitting with Medard and Henry, one of Fr. David’s brothers, and we exchanged a smile. Here we were again, the only white faces, (we were later thanked for ‘adding some color to the celebration’) the only ones who didn’t understand the language being spoken, but feeling incredibly included and loved and so very blessed to be sharing this adventure together as husband and wife.
Guests continued to arrive and place gifts in the big pile next to the table that held the six wedding cakes. The Emcee took the microphone and began the afternoon with a relatively short speech. The reception had officially begun.
Labels: Uganda Chronicles
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